I have a confession.
I am a mess.
I am a mess of a Human Being.
I am after all not a robot.
Robots can be perfect.
Human Beings can’t.
But we try don’t we?
Oh we try SO hard.
We push, we struggle, we ache.
We argue, we justify, we explain.
We just can’t let it be.
We just can’t be.
We can’t BE.
I can’t be.
I’ve been trained to think.
Like Winnie tha Pooh - think think think
And yet that just makes things worse.
Tighter.
Messier.
Painful.
I’ve been working towards ... something ... many things ...
I’ve been doing so much.
Getting praise for how much I do.
Getting acknowledged for how much I do.
Getting love for how much I do.
Ahhh the thing we want most.
There it is.
Love.
Love from outside.
Love from others.
And yet still ... doing all that and getting that love doesn’t feel good.
What is missing?
There is a fear that even if I do all those things and you say you love me ...
At some point I might disappoint you.
If I don’t work so hard this week.
If I don’t try as much this week.
If I don’t struggle to please you.
You could take that love away.
Then I’m left with ...
Well ... just me.
Me ...
How can I be me without you?
How can I be loved?
Who am I when you don’t praise me?
Who am I when you don’t ‘like’ my posts?
Who am I when you aren’t around?
I am a mess ...
I am a messy Human Being.
I am navigating this world as best I can.
I am asking the same questions.
I am feeling my way.
I am listening for answers.
I am imperfection personified.
I am a mess ... just like you.
I am a messy Human Being.