WORTHINESS CHAT with Michele Scott – 12th Sept 2021
Michele: Oh, welcome back to Casey radio, 97.7 FM. You are listening to Wellness Conversations and my name is Michelle Scott, and each week we come into this space to share wellness stories, wellness tools, and wellness therapies. It's very simple. It's all aimed at growing better, not a bitter in life. Now this week, I welcome the beautiful Pip Coleman. Pip is a Reiki master and Coach among many other things. So welcome back Pip.
Pip: Thank you, Michelle. Nice to be here.
M: It's always nice to chat about all things wellness. We always start off with “a little bit of a chat” and then a couple of hours later … we can just go on and on. And I think when we start talking about self-worth, I think a lot of how I feel good about myself really comes out of these stimulating, interesting conversations that I have with people like yourself from Our Wellness Community tribe. I love these conversations. I love learning these tools and practicing these tools. It's it just fills us up. Doesn't it?
P: Yes. I definitely find that whenever I'm having these conversations, not only do I get to share what I've already been thinking, but I also have an “aha moment” that takes it to another level.
M: Oh, I love those moments. So Pip, you've been talking about self-worth in your community. Getting a little bit more down and deep into that topic. Why should we all have it (self-worth) and how does it affect our lives? What impact does it have? And you've been talking to some beautiful women in the OWC community on this very topic. If you start off with what have you been finding from your community and what do you feel about self-worth?
P: Okay well it’s been really interesting. I've done two weeks of conversations, so far, about with a couple of beautiful ladies from our own community, who are also coaches and healers. And the interesting thing is that so far, both of those women have had very different ways of talking about worthiness, but the essence of it is the same. They've used words like confidence. Worthiness is about confidence and compassion. Worthiness is about love, self-love and kindness. It's about power and empowerment. And it depends on what their passion is. When you are really in your space and doing the thing that you're most passionate about, and most feel like you're serving the world - THAT in the best possible way you feel the most worthy.
P: And so when I was talking to Sondre, who is a wealth coach, she was talking about it from the perspective of money and how we feel like we're moving forward when we are working. And how we get more abundance when we're working in an area that we're most passionate about. And so, there's this nice correlation between net worth and self-worth. The more worthy that you feel, the more confident that you feel to ask for the money that you deserve, whether it's in a job or in business.
And then the other person that I've talked to was Xzavia. And we were talking about relationships and how the more that you feel that you are worthy, and that you love yourself, feel beautiful and confident and self-assured, compassionate to yourself and all those beautiful things, then you're going to be able to be in healthy relationships with other people. Whether it's an intimate relationship or your family or friends, or work colleagues, your relationships will be better because you are feeling worthy of that interaction that love.
So, it's going to be really interesting to talk to the next three ladies, because each time I have a conversation I'm getting those moments of “oh yeah, that's right - there's this aspect to worthiness as well what I thought worthiness was”.
M: I love that because I can tap into both of those, instantly. You know with the money stuff - I first started working at 16. I was a Coles cashier and three months in that was enough for me to decide that that was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. And so I went to secretarial school.
I did the six month diploma in secretarial and business studies. And I got my first job in an office. And it's so fascinating that Sondre said that because the more I started working, I found that I was really good at it. And actually when I compare that to school, I never felt great about myself at school, because back then I wasn't naturally clever. I had to work hard at everything. And I really felt like I didn't understand everything. I just kind of bumbled along.
But when I started working, I was really good at it. And I was a quick learner. I had a great work ethic and I helped people and they loved it. They told me how great I was. And so actually that's where my self-worth started to build my confidence and the more I achieved in the workplace, the more competent I felt. But that first job was the hardest to get. After that, every job I went for, I got because I knew I had the skillset. I went into those interviews really confident. The more confident I got the more self-worth grew. I would be promoted and I would ask for more money because I knew I deserved it.
And that was interesting because when I got to my late thirties, I'd been through a whole bunch of different stuff by then. My mum died. I had just made the leap into this spiritual world. I was teaching at a spiritual college in Lang Warren, but with everything at home it was all too hard.
I thought ‘I'm going back to the office’ … and you know what? I was feeling really low on self-worth and guess what happened when I started applying for work?
P: Yeah. I think I know where this is going.
M: After always getting every job I went for - I started getting rejected. Yeah. I had so many skills by then in my toolkit, but I was so down on myself, and lacking confidence. I was getting rejected from jobs that I would never have applied for five or 10 years before that.
P: Yeah. So interesting. And I was thinking about my teenage years - speaking of school. I was quite a good student, had really good grades and really enjoyed school. But when it came to the social aspect of school I felt like I wasn't fitting in to any group. I would move around all the different groups and try to be cool kid. And then I'll try and be a dork and then I'd try and be a nerd. I went from group to group to group trying to be like them.
I remember thinking then I'm being rejected by all these people, because I don't fit into their group. But what was actually happening when I looked back later, (when I did my first sort of self-development in my twenties), they weren't rejecting me. I was going, I don’t fit here. I don't want to be like, you, you, you, you, or you … I want to be me. And so, I would leave the group.
Instead of thinking, ‘just be you - it doesn't matter which group you're in’ - I went, oh, maybe I'm like those people over there. It was such a great reframe to get that.
That's why I love personal development. That's what growth is. That's what coaching is about. That's why I love psychology.
M: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Oh, fantastic.
M: Welcome back Casey Radio, you're listening to Wellness Conversations. My name is Michelle Scott. I'm the founder of Our Wellness Community, which is a beautiful space online for growing better in body, mind, heart. And it's a collaborative space as well. And every week on Casey Radio, we bring in one of our beautiful wellness collaborators to share a little bit of their story. This week, we're talking to Pip Coleman, Reiki Master and Coach, and we are talking about self-worth.
So how does self-worth show up in our lives? And, and particularly when I went through that phase of, of low self-worth it was a wonderful experience to go through. We were just talking about reframing.
P: Yes. Because I was thinking about this last two years and how difficult it's been for everybody with the COVID and the pandemic. I found myself in that first part of 2020, and even throughout a 2020, really struggling with feeling afraid about everything and how everything's so uncertain.
When I felt like that in the past I went to get a job. And that's really interesting because I've been running my coaching business for nearly 10 years now. But instead of focusing my energy on doing that and moving into that space, I dove into working in a retail shop, getting paid $25 an hour. I worked really hard. Then it occurred to me, after quite a long time considering the fact that I work in this area of shifting and reframing. (laugh) … I found it quite amusing that I was diving back into that space of what used to make me feel safe was having a secure job, but it wasn't secure. It was a casual job. And every time we locked down, I didn't have any work.
I actually got a bit of an aha moment that if I was running my business online, instead of in-person, I could actually be earning income all the time, rather than every time the shop closes, not having any work and waiting for that person to tell me they’ve got work for me again.
I was also working for such a low amount of money. What I felt was a low, considering the level of skills and qualifications that I have. Like you were saying, you had lots of skills and qualifications, but your feeling of worthiness was low, and you were having trouble getting jobs. I felt like I was feeling low. I was feeling fearful. I was feeling uncertain. And when we feel all those things, when we feel not very confident, not very safe, that worthiness is tied in with that.
So, I had this epiphany of ‘wow, if I actually do what I've been doing for the last 10 years, which is running this business and I just slightly tweak it, I could be doing what I love and earning the money that I deserve, because that's what I've set myself up to do. And I don't have to rely on this other person saying - You've got at work now. Oh, no, you don't. Oh, you've got work. Oh, no, you don't.’
It's funny that people think that business and being in business for yourself is risky and that it's, you know, up and down and all over the place.
And yet it's not up and down all over the place … WE ARE up and down and all over the place.
M: Yeah. Yeah. I kind of agree with that and kind of don't. I mean when they talk about in growth versus fixed mindset. Carol Dweck talks about the self-esteem movement and how that was a ‘massive fail’.
I think it's my generation of parenting – we’ve gone to the opposite extreme from our parents. Our parents were focused on working and coming out of the depression. They were lucky to have a job. They felt lucky to have a job. They felt lucky to have a job that paid them quite good money. And they fought for all sorts of better conditions in the workplace. Then they paid off their houses and they felt that paying off houses, having a nice car and being able to buy gifts for their children at Christmas time was something to be really proud of, because they hadn't grown up with that. You know, I think my dad had one pair of good shoes that have been handed down through five or six older brothers.
Do you know what I mean? But my parents, they grew up sort of having to learn to be self-sufficient - we didn't have that. We brought our children up in a climate of everyone gets an award and so they are thinking that everything they do is great before they actually ‘earn that praise’. Of course, self-talk does matter and words do matter. You and I are very passionate about words, but a lot of us have just instilled the words without the effort.
Our kids haven't had the chance to discover some of the skills that we have. They haven't been in that space of having difficulties and needing to get that resilience. That’s why you find a lot of these young ones don't want to work in a job. You know, they all expect to be TikTOK stars. They all expect to go on Australian Idol and they're thinking that they've got some talent, because no one's told them otherwise.
P: Oh, yeah. And I guess that was my, obviously I was speaking from my own experience.
M: Of course.
P: The fact was that I had actually been building a business for 10 years and that I went into fear mode and started relying on other people instead of trusting myself and having that self-worth.
M: And that was that it wasn't the business that was all over the place, but you.
P: Yes. And that's not necessarily the case for everybody. Like obviously if you have a seasonal business, it goes up and down because it's busy in the summer and it's not in the winter or whatever.
M: Business is not that easy to run. You need a lot of skills to be able to run a business right?
P: Well, yeah. I mean, you need to be everything. You need to be the admin person and the healer and the coach and the marketing person, especially if you are a sole trader. So there are a lot of skills. And I guess that that's where all those other jobs, that I had up to now, have helped because I've gotten all those skills in admin, sales, customer service and entertainment.
I think it’s an interesting consideration in terms of self-worth because I could have gone for another job that was more attuned to my skills, more in alignment with my skills, rather than working in the retail job that paid the minimum wage. But what was presented to me and what was in this space was that this business is the thing that I'd grown. This is the thing that most fulfills me. This is the thing that serves people in a way that I love to serve. So why not focus all my energy on that and build that.
M: And you'd already laid your foundation.
P: Yeah. Yeah. And then the next questions in our enquiry are: Why don't you feel worthy? Why don't you have it? Why don't you feel you deserve to be happy? That's an interesting question.
M: Absolutely. We're going to take another break. We’ll come back to talk more about that very topic.
M: Welcome back to wellness conversations on Casey radio, 97.7 FM, and beautiful Pip Coleman, Reiki master and coach, is joining our conversation today, we're talking about the many colors and shades of self-worth and how does it show up in our lives. Our next question is: Why don't you feel worthy or deserving of happiness or goodness, or love?
I think what we've gotten out of this conversation is that it's not about fitting into a particular group, but really it's about just feeling comfortable in your own skin, and then your group (or tribe) finds you.
And in terms of work, it sounds like you've got that versatility, you've got that variety in terms of personality traits and attributes and skills. You've moved around a little bit too, even as you were getting your business up and running, and then you kind of came back to that heart space. Knowing that you’ve already got all the skills you need to build this business. You don't need to keep going out there to earn money. I've got a baby here that I can grow into something very, very lucrative.
So what does self-worth mean to you, Pip and what impact has it had on your life?
P: Well, you know I remember when I went to a high school reunion and meet all those people that I was at school with. I had another kind of confirmation that I didn't fit in to any particular group, but I could talk to every single person at that event. Whereas there were some people who went straight back into their little group and just talked to that little group for the whole night. And I thought, oh, so I was actually being adaptable, way back then. I was being adaptable and actually had enough self-worth that I could move around to all the different groups and feel confident. Everybody was coming up to me and saying, oh, Hey, blah, blah, blah.
M: Everybody's friend.
P: Yeah it was such an important moment. Even going to work on the cruise ships, for example, there was a realization in that space of this. There were lots of different groups. And fitting in with all the different people, meeting people from all different countries around the world and getting to know yourself, it was a really important part of that.
There were people who really thrived and became even more of themselves because there was a freedom in that space. There were people who came out as being gay and there was people who really stepped up as leaders. And I found myself being more authentically me than I ever had been before, because I wasn't in my little hometown with my parents there and everybody going ‘oh you’re such and such’s daughter’. I was just me. I could just be me.
Then I brought that confidence, self-awareness, and authenticity when I came back home to Australia and started running the business, and gradually that's the way I am all the time.
M: Yeah. You know what I love about what you just said then Pip, I believe life is a journey and that everything you need, for some other point in time, you're already picking up in the spot you're in now. So, unbeknownst to you at the time you thought that you were looking around, you thought you were moving around these different groups to find where you fit it in. But in actual fact you had the capacity to do that. And in doing that, it sets you up beautifully for a whole bunch of experiences that came later on, that you were unafraid to take because you had already picked up those skills in communication and relating to people and like you're discovering talking to all of these different women that self-worth is different for everybody.
This is what I love about Our Wellness Community and all of you gorgeous women. Amongst all of us, we have so many different ways for the Seeker, for the student to find the tools and healing that she needs and to get exactly what's just right for her. No one tool is right for everyone.
I remember Pip, in high school all the kids at school that were really gorgeous. And I used to look at them and think, ‘oh, I'd love to be you. You're so pretty. Or you're so clever. Or you're so good at that.’ But all those people, when you got to know them as adults, they all had a story of insecurity. They all had a story that didn't match who it was that you thought they were at the time.
P: Yeah, definitely. That's cool. And the other day I was doing my little morning dance. I started using the Body Groove app and I love Misty Tripoli. She's fantastic. And she talks about self-worth and loving yourself and just grooving, like you groove. And she said the other day, have you ever felt like you failed at everything that you've tried? If you feel like you're a failure, like you've tried this coaching thing or that course, or you've read that book and you couldn't get it to work in your life. She said, maybe it's because it's not YOUR way. You're trying to do someone else's way. It is about is finding your way to live and dance and BE. Making yourself embodying that way completely. So you go out there and you're not this person or that person. It's about finding your own way because you can't fail at being yourself.
M: You can't. But also then you need to recognize that the only way to find YOUR way is for you is to try a whole bunch of different directions. That's the growth mindset. Isn't it?
P: Yeah. Yeah. So she wasn't saying that those failures were a bad.
M: Yeah, I'm just clarifying that. What we tend to do is focus on the things that didn’t work, which makes us feel bad. We feel undeserving. It makes us feel like failures. It's always about perspective and reframe. If you think ‘I tried that and I tried this and it didn't work. And I'm just a failure.’ Instead, thinking of it as … you don't know which porridge is going to be the just right for you, until you've tasted lots of porridge.
P: Yeah. And that comparison to other people, comparing yourself, you know, if you don't look like, like you were saying those pretty girls at school …
M: Um, yes and I was dark, you see, I came from South Africa, so I was dark skinned. And this is the other thing to get to that stage in your journey, where you realize that everybody wants to be somebody else. Everybody's looking at everybody else wishing to be different. I came to this country where they were all blonde hair and fair-skinned. So it was natural that I would think that they looked right and I looked wrong.
P: Yeah sure.
M: And later on, most of my friends are gorgeous blonde, beautiful women. And they look at me and go, ‘oh, I wish I was like you’. So, I decided I'm going to be different to that.
And if you're going to be an independent thinker then you're going to just be happy with where you're at and understand that that's your journey. Interesting, isn't it?
P: Sure is.
M: I have learned how to tap into who we are and live more in that space. So, how can our audience learn how to do this and do it with you?
P: Well, as it turns out, I have created the divine alignment coaching program, which evolved and was downloaded to me, to serve my earth angels out there who are feeling exhausted or frustrated or lost or disconnected, or not feeling worthy. And I introduce you to the code, that is designed for you to reset yourself, to know yourself deeply and connect with your divine being.
And so we begin by saying ‘Hey, who are you now? Where have you come from? And we acknowledge where you have been and what successes and failures you’ve had in the past.
Then we move to the love acts that you doing for yourself. What rituals are you doing to take care of yourself? And then you will get in touch with your intuitive skills. Practising your intuitive skills is important so that you can trust yourself more rather than doubting who you are and where you're going. And then we take a deeper look at how you can fully step into your authentic self.
And finally we nurture your future vision - where do you want to go? what's your passion? what's your purpose? And how can we align you to that, so that you can actually reconnect and remember your true divine self and really move forward with joy and passion.
M: Okay. So where can they go online to find a little bit more about that and connect with you?
P: They can go to my website: www.pipcoleman.com and on Facebook: Pip Coleman Author Coach.
M: Excellent, easy peasy. Thank you so much for joining us in this conversation all about self-worth and a Pip has given us a number of different ways to think about it and look for it in our own lives. And honestly, if it's not showing up for you then it's certainly something that you can learn.
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